How to Pray without Words

Once, in the throes of adolescence, I vowed never to speak to my mom again. I was so mad that I stormed off to my room, slammed the door, and indulged in a deliciously vengeful daydream. I imagined her tears as the days gave way to decades, her regret when she wasn’t invited to my wedding, the grandchildren she would never meet…

My resolve lasted about two hours. Then she knocked on my door, and before I knew it, we were speaking again. Arguing, explaining, apologizing. I couldn’t help it. Turns out, I love my mom. One fight wasn’t enough to undo 17 years of relationship.

I’ve found the same to be true of God. Despite my darkest moments, when I never want to speak to Him again, invariably He knocks on the door and before I know it, I’m back in His arms. Crying, listening, repenting.

One of the first things we teach children about prayer is that it means “talking with God.” But prayer is so much more than just talking. It’s communing. Abiding. Knowing and being known.

Prayer is relationship.

In the scariest time of my life — when my daughter was whisked off in an ambulance to a burn unit because of a rampant staph infection — I marveled that for three days I couldn’t string together two words to pray. I just sat in a fog, covered from head to toe in ICU garb, and every now and then I whispered, “Jesus.”

They were the shortest, most earnest prayers of my life.

In those three days by her hospital bed, prayer for me wasn’t about talking or even listening…it was just about being. It was about sitting with Jesus in one hellish moment, when no words would do.

In Mark 9:14-29, the disciples are trying (unsuccessfully) to drive a demon out of a child. Jesus arrives on the scene, and in a famously known exchange, the child’s father says, “If You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus replies, “If you can! All things are possible for one who believes,” to which the father desperately cries, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

It’s a beautiful passage of Scripture, but there’s an interesting moment that’s often overlooked. After the child is healed and everyone has left, the disciples ask Jesus privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” Jesus responds, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.”

Here’s the interesting part: Jesus never prayed. The Bible says He rebuked the unclean spirit, commanding it to leave, and it left. Not once does Jesus bow His head and pray to the Father. If this kind of demon can only be driven out by prayer, why was Jesus able to exorcise it without prayer?

I’m no biblical scholar, but this text is what first prompted me to muse, perhaps prayer is about communion with God more than merely “talking” with God. Perhaps we can pray without any words at all, when our spirit is in tune with His. Perhaps Jesus was able to cast out the demon not because the “rules” didn’t apply to Him and He didn’t need to pray, but rather because Jesus was in a constant state of prayer. He was in a constant state of unbroken fellowship with the Father, perfectly fulfilling the calling of I

Thessalonians 5:17 to “pray without ceasing.”

If prayer is all about relationship — and I believe it is — then that means our prayer life is a telling reflection of our intimacy with God. Are you intimate enough with God to vent your frustrations? To express your unsavory emotions? Does your mind wander back to Him throughout the day, the way it drifts toward any object of your affection? Do you miss Him when you haven’t spent time with Him? Do you find it impossible to stay mad at Him forever, the way I once found it impossible to abandon my mom? Do you laugh with Him? Cry with Him? Whisper His name in the dark just to sense His presence?

As long as there is breath in your lungs, it’s not too late to strengthen your relationship with Jesus. This week, as you pray, think relationally. Think about the essential ingredients for any healthy relationship: time, honesty, affection, trust, vulnerability. Every time you embrace one of these things in prayer, you take a next step toward Christ.

So be honest with Him this week. Choose to trust Him. Worship Him with all your affection. Share your secrets and your sorrows. “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8).