Sermon highlights from Relationship Reset Week 9. Sermon by Stephen Ray; notes compiled by Dan O’Toole.
Week 9 Main Scripture:
- Colossians 3:20-21
Our Experience with Our Earthly Father Affects How We View God as Our Heavenly Father.
We carry our Father Wounds into parenting and our relationship with God.
When we think about our Heavenly Father, we first think about our earthly father. If we grew up with an abusive or absent biological father, it may be difficult for us to connect with God as a loving Heavenly Father. We may even face the temptation of casting on God the same crimes committed against us by our earthly fathers.
Conversely, if we had great experiences with our earthly fathers, we may be tempted to view them as God instead of our Heavenly Father. Even good biological fathers make terrible gods.
Fathers, be aware that when your children think about God and his character and nature, they will first think about you.
The primary call of fatherhood and parenting is to represent God to your kids through what you say and do. This goes deeper than simply providing for their needs and raising them the “right way.”
If You Can’t Obey Visible Authority in Your Life, You Will Never Obey Invisible Authority.
When Paul commands children to obey their parents, the assumption is that the parents are giving godly commands.
As a parent, are you expecting to be your child’s friend or ruler?
As discipleship, it’s helpful to show your kids how and why you give them commands in the first place. Good and godly commands keep children from harm and point them toward righteousness and true life in Christ. Obedience to godly parents is a child’s training for obeying God.
Your children will only obey to the extent that you obey your Heavenly Father.
Obedience is not agreeance. Following God’s commands is not contingent upon whether or not we agree or like what is commanded of us. Our obedience comes from a reverence of God and a relationship with him.
Discipline vs. Punishment
Discipline is motivated by love and has more to do with the character of the person receiving the consequences.
Discipline is focused on the child’s long-term good through “training grace” and character development.
Punishment is motivated by shame and has more to do with what is happening internally with the one giving the consequences.
Punishment is focused only on behavior and not character transformation.
We Punish When:
- Our Emotions Are Out of Balance
- We Have a Lack of Vision for Who Our Kids Are and Who They Are Becoming
- We Are Publicly Embarrassed by Our Kid’s Behavior
- Idolatry Has Gripped Our Hearts
Parenting well requires having an unoffendable heart.
Foolishness and immaturity don’t always deserve discipline, but rebellion does.
How to Represent God as a Parent
- Recognize and Reckon with Your Own Story of How You Were Parented.
- Seek Spiritual Fathers/Mothers Who Can Fill In the Gaps.
- Seek Out Godly Community.
There are no perfect parents. Your job as a parent is to walk in a relationship with God and represent him as best as you can, equipped with his grace for you in every moment.
If you’re feeling like a failure as a parent, run to God in prayer and his Word and ask him what he thinks about you and your parenting. He offers healing from your mistakes and grace and mercy for a new start.
Additional Notes to Fathers
- If you’re not actively discipling your children, someone else will (i.e. TikTok, Instagram, or YouTube).
- Constant entertainment and distraction for parents can lead to embitterment in our kids.
- If we don’t transform from our pain, we will most likely transmit it.
Catch up or rewatch the full messages from our Relationship Reset series here.
