How to Create a Peaceful Home

Sermon highlights from Relationship Reset Week 8. Sermon by Kelly and Pastor Mike Adkins; notes compiled by Dan O’Toole.

Big Idea:

• Your True Self is the New Self.

Week 8 Main Scripture:

• Colossians 3:18-19

How We Live Out the “Others First” Life

Submission means to place yourself under someone. The word “submission” brings up all kinds of feelings and connotations. It can seem like making yourself less than others or less than you want to be.

Philippians 2:3-6, Romans 12:10, Philippians 2:3, Ephesians 5:21

Submission is not only the wife’s responsibility. Love is not only the husband’s responsibility.

If you’re looking for a way around serving the needs of others in love, you’re in the wrong faith. Submission is the way of Christ and all his followers. We are called to think of others more than ourselves.

Submitting Yourself to Your Own Husband

Submitting yourself to your own husband makes your faithfulness shine in an unfaithful world. It shows the exclusivity of your commitment to one another. Each marriage and husband are also unique, so submission will look different for each unique marriage.

Submitting to the needs of a unique person requires spiritual work. How is God’s image displayed in them? What are their needs?

You Cannot Submit Yourself If You Don’t Know Who You Truly Are.

Are you trying to submit an imaginary version of yourself – someone else’s dream or ideal version of you?

Submission can feel like a burden when you’re drowning in the false promises of a false self. It’s like trying to pay a debt of a million promises you were never meant to take on. This leads to resentment, bitterness, avoidance, exhaustion, and overwhelm.

In Matthew 7:21-23, Jesus refers to people who were doing a checklist of things, but he still says to them, “I never knew You.” They were working hard on things that he didn’t create them to do, and they weren’t seeking a relationship with him.

Submission has nothing to do with roles and checklists. It’s living out who you truly are.

Your True Self is the New Self.

What are the Boundaries and Source of Authority?

Misconception of Colossians 3:18:

“Wives, do what your husband says, much as you would if God were speaking.”

As spiritual leaders, can we (husbands) do anything we want?

No.

What are the Boundaries of Spiritual Authority in This World?

Acts 5:20-29 (Case Study – Peter vs The Sanhedrin)

The problem with positions of power is if you think the power comes from you. We don’t come as spiritual leaders in our own name. We’re under the authority of Christ. All authority is given or delegated by God.

What are the Boundaries of Submission that a Husband and Wife Should Follow?

• A husband can lead where it is beneficial and biblically appropriate for his family.
• A husband cannot lead when he is asking his wife or children to do something that violates God’s law or character.

What Husbands Should Know About Leading

Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25

1. Don’t Be Harsh.
2. Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church.

The Role Doesn’t Make You Powerful. Leadership is a responsibility, not a privilege. If you have to emphasize the role, you don’t have the power.

Love is the Non-Negotiable. You can divide household roles or tasks based on giftedness. You can negotiate and compromise on preferences. But loving your wife selflessly and sacrificially is non-negotiable. And, in order to love your wife as Christ loved the church, you also have to love the church.

The Way to Christian Happiness and Peace is to Die to Yourself.

1. Die to laziness.
2. Die to drinking too much.
3. Die to being an angry man.
4. Die not having a manly example growing up.
5. Die to not having friends.
6. Die to not being a generous person.
7. Die to always being in conflict.
8. Die to workaholism.
9. Die to pornography.
10. Die to holding on to the past.
11. Die to fear.
12. Die to evil words spoken over your life.
13. Die to inappropriate outbursts of emotion.
14. Die to finding hope in stuff.
15. Die to thinking badly about yourself.
16. Die to small thinking.
17. Die to comparisons.
18. Die to thinking it’s all on your shoulders.
19. Die to thinking your life is about you.
20. Die to being offended.
21. Die to suicidal thoughts.
22. Die to not leading your family.
23. Die to thinking your wife makes you whole.
24. Die to believing your past is all that matters.
25. Die to avoiding difficult conversations.
26. Die to life of purposelessness.
27. Die to limiting beliefs about your future.
28. Die to not leading your kids spiritually.

Every death you die is a promotion for your future.

Catch up or rewatch the full messages from our Relationship Reset series here.