Has it ever gotten back to you that you were the subject of someone else’s gossip? The juicy details embellishing someone else’s story? It doesn’t feel good, does it? Yet how often are we guilty of doing the very same thing to others? These are hard questions, whether you are on the receiving end of hurtful gossip or the participating end. Gossip never ends well for anyone involved. I believe this is why the Bible has so much to say about it. God knows how prone we are to this sin, how it affects our hearts, and pulls us away from fellowship with Him because it feels satisfying in the moment.
Do I want to feel the sting of regret, or do I want to feel the peace of God?
In the hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” we sing a powerful and familiar truth: “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, O take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above.” Every human on planet earth is prone to wander. We are drawn to sin and guaranteed to say things we regret. Learning what the Bible has to say about the tongue can help us catch ourselves before we wander down the destructive road of gossip.
Matthew 12:34 says, “The mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” Whatever is in our hearts will eventually come out of our mouths. Are we taking time to look inward, to reflect on the condition of our own hearts? Do we feel a twinge of conviction when we find ourselves caught in the middle of gossip? We should. It should bother us when we slander another person. Proverbs 11:13 says, “A gossip betrays confidence.” There is a direct connection between gossip and betrayal. It should cause us unrest when we pass on information that is not ours to pass on.
James 3 has much to say about the dangers of an untamed tongue. Verse 6 says, “And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.” Verse 8 says, “But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” James goes on to write in verses 9-10, “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” I don’t know about you, but I’m hearing that having a furnace inside my heart, which erupts out of my mouth isn’t a good thing!
When we indulge in gossip, we aren’t taking steps toward Christ because we can’t engage in gossip and honor the Lord in the same moment. We can’t ignite a wildfire of destruction and simultaneously reflect Jesus. So what can we do? How can we proactively guard against gossip, protect our hearts, and honor others?
Here are four questions to consider:
Is it true?
When we are tempted to gossip, this question matters. Is what we have heard – and are about to share with others – even true? Taking this question one step further requires us to examine our relationship with the person who is the subject of gossip. Ask yourself: Do I have the kind of relationship with this person, whereby I could bring this issue straight to them in genuine concern and with biblical discernment? If the answer is “no,” consider telling your source that you can’t be the recipient of any more information, and let the spread stop with you.
Does it bring honor or harm?
When James says the tongue is impossible to tame, he doesn’t mean we have no choice in the words we choose (James 3:8). He means we need supernatural power in our fight against gossip. If our words are a direct reflection of the contents of our hearts, we need the Holy Spirit to create clean hearts within us (Psalm 51:10). We need divine power to stand against gossip and choose to honor others – even behind their backs – instead of harm them.
What’s in it for me?
We would be wise to take a long look at what motivates us to gossip, slander, or break a confidence. Let’s ask ourselves: Do I want the attention of others or the humility of the Lord? Do I want to feel the sting of regret, or do I want to feel the peace of God? Do I genuinely want God’s best for the other person, or do I want to inflate myself?
Is it worth it?
Proverbs 16:28 tells us that “a gossip separates close friends.” There is never a scenario in which gossip forges closer, more God-honoring relationships. Quite the opposite. Gossip is not life-giving, therefore it does not have any ability to heal or restore a relationship. Instead, it’s liable to kill it. When faced with a moment of gossip, we should consider the potential consequence of losing a relationship.
I think it’s worth mentioning that there is a difference between bringing a situation to biblically sound, tight-lipped friends who are there to help you navigate something difficult, and wrapping destructive words in a blanket of spiritual fluff. These are not the same things. One scenario pays attention to our motives, honors the reputation of the other person, and seeks to honor God. The other scenario serves as a cop-out to indulge in a feel-good moment, most likely at the cost of the relationship.
Friends who know the Bible and pay attention to what is inside their hearts are much more likely to help you know the Bible and pay attention to what is inside your heart. End result? More God-honoring, tongue-taming conversations and less destruction by wildfire.
What a beautiful gift we can give each other.
