The Weight of Identity: Parent Connect

Enter the daily life of Gen Z, and you will feel the weight of identity. How many followers one has on TikTok or Instagram, what clothes are cool, or how successful one is at school or sports are just a few of the burdens they bear. All of these issues, with the added element of a camera constantly catching every aspect of their life and premiering it live for the world to see, is exhausting.

So what does our culture tell them to do? Follow their heart. This message permeates culture in about every way possible. Watch a commercial, read a book, or even watch a Disney Jr. show and you’ll see it. It’s uplifting and affirming but is it really the most helpful message we want to offer our kids?

Here are two ways our culture’s self-determined and individualistic mindset fails our kids:

First, it’s untrustworthy. Let’s be honest, how much do we as adults really know what we want? I know I want to be healthy this year by eating well and working out. I also know that I really like Sour Patch Kids, Vanilla Coke, and McDonald’s fries. What do our kids do when they can’t differentiate what feelings are their true self and which ones are destructive? Not every feeling or passion we have is good and can be trusted.

Second, it’s defeating. There is so much weight when identity is self-determined. What happens when our kids’ feelings and passions aren’t in line with popular thought? They are canceled. What happens when they fail? Their whole system collapses. This kind of pressure is overwhelming.

It makes sense why Gen Z is stressed out and so sad. They are constantly aware of the need to get it right. There is pressure to be who people want them to be or hope that who they want to be won’t be unpopular at some point or fail them.

One of the best things we can offer our kids is a listening ear and a regular reminder of the gospel. Axis Ministries points to this gospel truth in their Parent Guide to Teen Identity: “the gospel is such good news for Gen Z because Christ offers an un-threatenable identity that can’t be invalidated by mistakes.”

Axis highlights some incredible gospel truth that truly is good news to our kids. First, our kids need to know how deeply loved they are, period. They are not loved because of what they do, but because of who they are — an image-bearing child of God. Second, their identity in Christ is not achieved but received. They can simply find rest in Jesus and let go of performance. Finally, their identity is redemptive. In a culture that so quickly cancels those who make stupid or sometimes serious mistakes, it’s good news to know there is forgiveness in Jesus. In Christ, we don’t have the privilege to act superior towards others and look down on those who don’t fit the narrative.

Helping our kids understand and believe these truths will not happen in one conversation. There is no easy fix to issues of identity. What we can do is look for timely opportunities to talk to our kids and help them find emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual rest. We can help them redefine thought patterns and goals. We can affirm who they are in Christ, not who they are trying to be or even want to be. With a big dose of patience and a lot of humility we can enter their world and offer them a better alternative to the one that culture is providing. It won’t be easy, but we won’t be alone.